So as most of you know I have a beautiful daughter named Lillia and she just turned four. A few of you have noticed that I have mentioned that I have other children. Two of my children were born in May.
May is the perfect month to be born in. It is just getting warm and there are flowers and trees blooming everywhere. It is absolutely beautiful! Some may even say it is breathtaking. For me May is absolutely breathtaking, but for an entirely different reason.
Jeremy was born May 9th, 2011 & Bentley was born May 3rd, 2012.
Sounds wonderful right? It definitely was at first, but sadly I only got to spend one summer with each of them. Jeremy passed away September 11th, 2011 and Bentley passed away August 30th, 2012.
So celebrating birthdays for children that are in heaven destroys me. So may is one of the hardest months for me (Along with August, September, and December)
There are 5 stages of grief.
Denial & isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the 5 stages of grief. Not every person is going to experience the stages in the same order and not everyone is going to go through all five stages. The stages are also very fluid. Someone can be going through multiple stages all at the same time.
Denial and Isolation- first thoughts are normally “this can not be happening” this is totally normal. It is your common defense mechanism. This is a temporary response that carries you through the first wave of pain.
Anger– We were not ready.. Anger is sometimes directed at the loved one that has passed away. We can resent that person for leaving us and causing us pain, then we may feel guilt for that anger. Sometimes Drs are the target of our anger, but though they may deal with death more often to us does not mean they are not grieving with us.
Bargaining– Next is the “if only” statements. “If only we knew sooner”.. “If only we had spent more time”.. We are bargaining with our higher power to postpone everything that is happening. More guilt is felt at this stage of grief.
Depression– Sadness and regret are the biggest form of grief experienced when mourning.
Acceptance– This is one of the stages that everyone doesn’t reach (I am one of those people and it has been 6&7 years). sometimes the death is to unexpected and sometimes we can never get past the anger and denial.
Mourning can be a very personal experience, but it is important that you know others are there for you and can help comfort you. Sometimes the best thing is just to ask for a hug.
I hope this helped you in some way and if you are feeling alone please reach out. I am here and can talk to you or you may have a close relative or friend. If you feel you have no one please call this National Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255